Are you ready for pain...?

Not much longer now..

Stretchmarks? I don't think she's that fussed!

Just as I think Ellen can get no larger, her abdomen grows outwards a further inch the following morning!

We're at 34ish weeks now. Her enormous bump seems gravity defying when view it every morning, one of those Mother Nature carvings made flesh. I haven't had one of those 'f**k I'm gonna be a Dad' moments yet. When we're driving our freshly minted little one home one day late Feb/ early March I'm sure reality will kick in soon enough.

The NCT classes have been eye opening. Seeing blokes as bemused as I was a reassurance. The girls wanted to learn, support each other and network, whereas us guys wanted to be down the boozer instead. Helpful stuff though, the big mystery of before and after birth has been cleared slightly, and watching a middle age woman demonstrate newborn breast feeding was something I won't forget. 3 hours learning about the ways of the bob was way too much for me, when our tutor started passing around A3 laminated pics of grimacing babies being sprayed by breast milk I could only think of one thing..

As did most of the other guys present..

Anyway, if you haven't felt the sensation of an unborn baby kicking or wriggling, it's something words cannot describe. Sometimes a gentle squeeze reveals a back, or a bottom, or a head. There's something in there, biding its time before coming out into the world to make you life as different as it can be.

I'm sure this'll be a wondrous thing. The fatherhood tales of former work colleagues used to make me cringe with horror, but right now I'm really excited as to where the journey will take us in the next few years...Nappies and baby sick excluded of course...

A.

A dead dog in a suitcase..

An anecdote told my boss about a friend of a friend.. truth, urban legend - you decide.

My friend had a friend. This was a girl who lives out of London who house-sat one evening for a family who had a cherished family dog. That evening the dog, who was old and poorly, passed away. The girl was horrified! In a flap she phoned up a vet who lived in London. He recommended she brought the dog down to his surgery so he could keep an eye on it. "How do I get down there?", she thought, "I don't have a car!". So, she dug up an old suitcase which she could fit the (thankfully medium sized) canine inside and opted to catch the train down to London to see her friend.

Trouble is, a dead dog, even a smallish one, weighs a far amount. As the journey progressed a smell started to build in the carriage, and people started to eye her in a most disturbing manner. She was mortified! The girl managed to get her load onto the train but struggled to disembark at her destination. A considerate looking young man took pity on her struggles and volunteered to help. "What you got in here?", he asked, "This bag weighs a ton!" Obviously not able to tell the truth she blurted out the first thing which came to mind: "Speakers! I'm giving them to a friend."

Thoroughly flustered by her day thus far, she was even more shocked when the would be Samaritan ran off with her suitcase!

Kim Jung Il and other things..

So we've been attending the NCT classes: a chance for expectant mothers to mingle and their partners to look awkward and confused.

To be honest, I feel I have acquitted myself pretty well. I'm finding the subject matter pretty interesting and I can answer some of the questions our tutor asks! In short, the other guys look like they'd rather be elsewhere - I'm actually enjoying it.

It helps that our tutor has some quite fascinating toys and props with which to learn us. My favourite so far is a laminated series of A4 cutaway drawings showing the final stages of delivery. Y'know the sort of thing, waters break, baby crowns, turns 90 degrees before fully emerging, followed by the placenta ejection to finish. We were charged in putting the pics in order on the carpet and stood over them after, admiring our work. The pic of the newly delivered baby was particularly oriental and wizened. As most babies are, I guess. However the babe who was staring up at me happened to be the doppleganger of ex Korean dictator Kim Jung Il! Just needed the sunglasses to complete the look, it was uncanny....

In other news, I've just turned 35. Bleh. No new age related observations for you right now. I've got other things to focus on in truth. My favourite present by a mile was from Xander, he gave me two packs of bacon. Yes, bacon! The salty gift which the whole family can enjoy! I thought I'd run out of things to marvel and be amused about, but such a distinctive gift has restored my faith in life.

A.

In the War On Stuff..

..We're actually winning!..

The North Face of the Mountain was challenging to even the most experienced climbers..

Before: the mountain of stuff which in just one short week has nearly become a nursery space for our little one. Isadora is about 8 weeks from arriving (early threats of arrival aside) and Ellen is kitting out her baby bedroom with panache and a deft touch. To be honest I can only get excited by Hello Kitty decor to a certain extent - but it seems E cannot get enough of the stuff. Nonetheless, I watch the acquisition of baby toys and paraphernalia with buoyant good humour. Hefting the bits of the Ikea wardrobe into place well and truly did my back in.. but it's all for a good cause.

'After' picture to come in due course.

A.