Xmas on The Island

Diz at the window - The Steamer Inn, Shanklin

December was a busy month. Culminating in four days on The Island for Xmas. With all of life's challenges, there has been some genuinely lovely moments that make it worthwhile. Bright sunshine on a Christmas walk down the seafront at Ventnor was a highlight. As was clambering over fallen trees on a woodland path to discover the wares of the Luccombe Jam Man for sale. This is the sort of place where you can put stuff out for sale, with the box where you put your money to buy it, and nothing get nicked! 

In the meantime there's alot to keep us busy, more every year, seemingly. Little D's drunken stagger has become an 'I mean business strut' which gives me a chuckle every time I see it. She is talking and asking questions constantly which seem to frustrate some members of the family. Conversations tend to go something little like this.

D: Nada? (Xander?)

X: Yes?

D: Nada? (Xander?)

X: What is it Dizzy?

D: Nada? (Xander?)

X: What is it???!

D: Nada? (Xander?)

X had a lovely Xmas. He had a great time seeing his grandparents, but I feel the novelty is wearing off. He just wants to be left in peace I think. As for me?? Well I've been busy. It feels my job spec grows more complicated every year. Taxi Service? Ferrying my mother from Dorking to the Isle of Wight over the course of seven hours was not something I'm keen to repeat? Diplomat? Keeping the relatives and family from getting grumpy and remaining calm and neutral throughout - I've got that! Entertainer? As much as I love the peace and quiet the TV and my Ipad afford me, sometimes you gotta keep the kids engaged. 

Anyway, Happy New Year and all that. Diz is trying to climb into my lap now so I gotta find some Spongebob for us to watch (God Help Me!). 

A.

A selfie that scares the children..

I put on this delightful wooly beard/hat combo in front of Diz. She backed away from me with a look of distrust on her face. You too can look like a grizzled fisherman/young Bin Laden by ordering one of these handmade creations from Knitting by Heather on etsy.com. She does some righteous looking chocolate soap too!

A.

X's Lego Logic

"It's show and tell tomorrow" says X. He points at a large box. "Don't let me forget to take that in to school".

I ask what's inside. "It's Lego" X replies. It certainly is, two large sets with a retail value of about £200! I gape at the discovery and ask if it has been cleared by 'Mum'. It seems she was ok with the idea of X taking Lego in to show his buddies in class. Just two of probably most expensive sets you can buy right now! 

Had to leave it to E to break the bad news. Personally I can't fathom the logic involved in taking that much stuff into school. There are some things that trip your 'That's bloody stupid, don't do it' switch so you need to stand aside and let other heads prevail in the circumstances. X took the news with good grace apparently and took a much smaller container to showcase to his buddies in class. 

I've always thought I've got the workings of the child mind sussed out. But it's episodes like theses that make me realise otherwise. 

A.

Dizzy in the front room Nov - 2013

She's cute. And by golly she knows it. Coming in from work yesterday little D was padding around the lounge. I asked for my hug she gave me a knowing little half smile and walked out the room! My girl has been poorly in the last few days but seems to be getting her spirits back. When you hear your child upset through illness and a fever it breaks your heart more than nothing else!

A.

Little D expressing herself I

Behind the butter wouldn't melt expression beats the heart of a little warrior:

At a social event I watched as the kids played together. X was charging around with the bigger kids (charming the girls, naturally). A three year old tried to grab his shoulder, all good natured stuff which was unremarkable. It was D's response which stunned me. She clamped onto the shoulders of this bigger boy who spun round with eyes wide open in amazement before losing his footing. He stumbled backwards and fell onto little D who started howling in shock and rage, as is her way.

It was her expression which made my day - it was a look of pure determination which spoke volumes. D, who has only started toddling in the last few months, was outraged that a bigger boy had the temerity to try jumping onto her big brother. The fact she is meting out retribution already makes me worry for those who get on her wrong side in future!

A.

Half Term on the Wight

Happy X on the chairlift - Alum Bay Oct 2013

Little D and X on Luccombe Beach

The View from Above - Alum Bay once more.

Pics of our latest visit to The Island. We stayed on the western end of it at Totland, and were in blowing distance of St Jude as it raced through early hours Monday. Our home to be never ceases to amaze and pleasure. We all stepped out on Luccombe beach for the first time - a place only accessible at low(ish) tide now so is an undisturbed gem of a place. Stepping out on the sand, you pass sheer 100 feet sandstone cliffs with little waterfalls cutting through them. The final wasted groynes give way to a sandy beach at the bottom, distant cliff face at the top and a partly concealed woody plateau at about 30 feet. It's the sort of place you wouldn't like to be stuck at dusk, your imagination might conjure up bigfoots, or dinosaurs, or any number of hungry creatures. Quiet, isolated and unnervingly peaceful, with only seagulls and distant boats for company...

As much as our hearts are already island bound already. We need to stay the course. There are schools to consider (primary schools are good, secondary schools not so much). We are undertaking commitments to ensure X gets into the best place at 11 and if we move out now our plans will be for nought. Moving costs a fortune so I'll need to be hitting the bookies for another few months so we have cash for the removals instead of dropping it on a credit card.. patience, Alex, patience..

In D and X news, they both had a wonderful week. X relished the steady stream of treats and fairground-style prizes which came his way. D is proving to be a doughty little thing, she grinned happily throughout our visit to The Needles - dispute the gales that constantly threatened to take her feet out from underneath her. Little D has had chicken pox this week, but has suffered it with surprising good grace.

A.

X had a challenging day at school Friday...

At lunchtime he let off his trademark happy shriek in the playground. Unfortunately it was in close proximitiy to a burly child with ADHD who then proceeded to chase him across the playground and try to beat him up!

Standing between a she-wolf and her young holding an air raid alarm comes to mind. I'm sure it wasn't deliberate (40% of what X does is by impulse, I reckon - it's just the way he is). In other news he was drawing on his right cheek with a pencil in the classroom and pressed just a little bit too hard.  By the time I saw him he was sporting a six inch scar where the pencil had left its' mark. X is so different to me at that age it is unbelievable....

A.

I'm SO ready to move right now,

I feel my brain is on a sandy beach near Shanklin already, it's just a matter of tying up the loose ends.

E & D on said beach. October 2013

We're back off for another visit this Half Term. To get a taste of the IOW off season as it were. Personally, the idea of a quiet island, empty save a few locals and old people sounds just the ticket for me. I hope the reality proves to be just as appealing. Of course my main concern is the kids, X and Little D will have the time of there life for years - but what about when X reaches his teenage years and wants to see the world? I can really see him wanting to travel at 16 and (hopefully) moving heaven and earth to do it. Let's see if we can give him all the support and inspiration he needs in the meantime.

On the other hand, little D is like my blank canvas. I'm so excited about immersing her in outdoor life and everything the IOW has to offer. The girl is no slouch already. She enjoys playing with X's lego (when X isn't looking, thankfully) and seems happiest driving cars around the floor every evening. My Mum asked, with some concern 'Does she ever play with dollies?' I couldn't think of anything further off her radar, if I'm honest! Her personality is blossoming, and when you see her saying 'bye bye' before trying to climb into the kitchen cupboard under the sink it well and truly makes your day...   

In money news I'm thrilled that my matched betting is going well. Isle of Wight wisdom dictates that if you've got a job you can bring with you, you're set. There seems to be bugger all for the natives apart from working in the service sector which is dormant come the winter months. I plan my pockets to be lined with a few quid from the online bookies and a few visits to their real life counterparts in the metropolis (Newport, that is). The fact there are just five Ladbrokes branches on the entire island (and no competion) makes me realise how insular the IOW actually is. 

Anyway, I better go as D needs putting to bed. 

Bye for now,

A.

Halloween crafts and something sharp and pointy

Sunday evening, curled up on the couch with a drink. I have a few thought my weekend I'd like to share.

Diz has conjunctivitis. Have you seen conjunctivitis? It gunks up the eye with a bright yellow discharge and leaves the sufferer miserable. A gentle swipe to the eyelid will get a wince if you're lucky. D has been reacting in a much more emphatic manner.. poor little thing :(

While D and I visited her Nan today. X and E made their monthly pilgrimage to Legoland. The latter returned with yet another Lego set - spending must be well into four figures by now - his obsession knows no bounds. Still, a career in engineering may be the result, and that can't be all bad. Can it?

Life's little things give me pleasure nowadays. For instance, I was dead chuffed with my craft efforts at work. Collected autumn leaves when painted with white paint become, wait for it, Halloween ghosts! The kiddies painted their leaves (and themselves for that matter) white, black and several shades of grey on Thursday. Come tomorrow we'll draw jaunty little smiles on them and stick 'em on some haunted house type backdrop. Diz helped with the conker collecting, and I'll be skewering the little buggers later on this evening to make jewellery for the little ones next Thursday. 

Anyway, X has been safely stashed into bed now. We'll be watching some 'How I Met Your Mother' as I put some gaping holes into a bag of horse chestnuts. My life is about as rock n'roll as you can get... right? 

A.

I love running...

After a few minutes of effort all the crud and cr*p in your brain just floats away. Apathy drifts. Ideas form. You just end up feeling positive and happy. Pity that my moments of clarity happen much less than they used to. With X and D around, you gotta have other priorities. Still, with the little bunnies distracted I get my needs sorted in different ways. As I'm writing this X is at school and Little D is down for her nap. I probably have a good 90 minutes to myself to deal with my list of Stuff That Needs Doing. Frankly, planning has never been a forte of mine - but as life gets more complex I always try harder. My 'organiser' (I use the term loosely) is a battered A4 hardback pad which I scribble my weekly tasks in. Social stuff, matched betting annotations, you know the sort of thing. I've never really made long term plans and I guess that's to my detriment. My friend S swears by goals and planning, and during a tipsy night out implored me to write down my goals. And I plan to, its been a week but I haven't got around to it yet. Classic procrastination I guess...

In Mancave News, the defunct PC has now been taken apart. Dusty and unloved, it now sits in a pile on my attic desk. It has been supplanted by my brand new Chromebook! Behold! It's sleek, easy to use anywhere, and doesn't sound like an extractor fan when I turn it on.. It positively purrs instead. Already X is intrigued, he has the freedom to use most electronic devices in our house and sidles up to me looking for a go. I feel I need to make a stand on this one. The little voice in the back of my head is saying 'You Can't Play With It. It's Mine.' Maybe that's a little too selfish, perhaps more subtlety is required. If I whack a great big chain and padlock on it, do you think he'd get the message??! 

Meanwhile Diz grows at an alarming rate. She is taking steps (tipsy looking and sporadic steps) and takes more of an interest in the world every day. She sings. And really loves to sing! It raises my spirits when I hear her carrying a tune, even though most of the time it's Cbeebies themes she wants to share. Catchy bloody compositions they are too, when you find yourself singing Mike The Knight all day you know you've got problems....

Anyway, that's enough for now. Time to squeeze in a little tidying before Her Ladyship awakes.

A. 

Funerals and parenting dilemmas

This was the week of the funeral. I dressed up in my (remaining) smart gear and took the train to Hoxton to pay my respects.

The funeral itself was in Hackney, but I made time to stroll through the neighbourhood beforehand. And what a cool place Hoxton is! [I say this with my tongue fixed firmly within my cheek]. I'm not one for the cutting edge and zeitgeist-y so alot of E9 makes me wince. You're somewhere trendy when marketeers use the word 'space'...in more places than you expect. A blackboard outside the local caff advertises it as a 'space for [insert aspirational demographic here]'. I passed an estate agent promising to find 'a solution to your personal space needs'.. or something like that. In a city teaming with 7 million it seems the thing people are after is an escape from one another - something I cannot live without...

Poor J looked lost at the service. He's a guy who doesn't shows his feelings much so when I heard his voice crack during the eulogy my heart nearly broke. J i. I didn't get the chance to pay my respects personally as domestic duties called, so after exchanging small talk with J's other old buddies I headed home. Before doing so I had a revelation: 'Look at us, we're all grown up'. Our social get togethers have morphed from A-Level result celebrations, into travelling farewells, into weddings to more sombre occasions nowadays. As a group we'd grown up together and now here we stood sporting laughter lines and wearing business attire. The last two decades have crept up on us pretty quick it seems.

In home news, little D continues to grow and assert herself. Music no longer calms this savage beast, it seems. Our classical music CD no longer stops D's frustrated shrieks, she now sounds like a seagull being strangled when something upsets her. I marvel at the person she is becoming, assertive and exceptionally strong willed, D reminds me more of her aunt and nanny than her own daddy nowadays. 

Here's the rub though. Our domestic watchword now is 'DO NOT ANTAGONISE THE BABY'. My main job is to run interference to ensure such things do not happen. And it's a energy sapping job too! X loves his little sister and he howls and warbles along with her. However he never fails to either over-energise or piss her off! His baby carrying style reminds me of someone toting about a bag of spuds and that makes me wince even more. I don't want to spend my time telling X 'don't do that!' when he is playing with Diz as he'll start disliking me very quickly. Family life is like a minefield, you spend your time concentrating on one stretch of ground but always need to be mindful of explosions from elsewhere!   

  

From behind the Pushchair

Diz and her mohawk stylee - September 2013

I now think of Diz as 'Her Ladyship'. She has an increasingly imperious style that hints she is born to higher things. When we go out for a morning roll, I marvel at the way she casts things from her pushchair. Socks, toys, food all get cast aside with a regal, wristy flick. The other day her favourite duck was thrown into a busy road, I had to wait several minutes to fetch it safely. The 'you took your bloody time' look which she shot me on retrieval was particularly priceless....

Little kids have a sense of entitlement which make you wonder. But you still cant help but love them!

More thoughts on the IOW

The more I think about it, the more the pros seem to add up. Being one of the eight and a half million people crammed into this part of the world feels frankly.. crowded. After a week away, you cross the Solent and feel the pace of life again. It's quicker, more frenetic. Lots of little ants scurrying around doing their duties. 

It's a shame that we need to go on holiday to draw breath and appreciate life for what it really is. Something to be enjoyed in the moment. Not a daily scrabble through the internal to-do list of life: Get up, eat, sh*t, shave go to work and repeat. There has to be a better way of living than that, surely?

Well, I might be over thoughtful, certainly. But the pull of Vectis is strong at the moment. It feels a right time to take the step. To gather our stuff and take it somewhere special. Here is where E and I differ on our possessions, I can offload things with miminal hassle. Being well travelled, she puts a lot more stock in her belongs and what they mean to her. I resist the temptation to bully her into clearing her CD collection and selling it on Music Magpie ('You don't listen to them anymore!' I would say. 'They'd raise plenty of cash for our move too!') I've learnt her thinking is less linear than my own. We get to the same decisions though, E in a slightly more circuitous manner than myself!

I plan to break the news to Mum today, I've been dreading that. Most people could deal with a train and ferry crossing to visit family, a couple of hours, max. She sometimes struggles to drive 10 miles up to see us. Her reaction will be, how can I put it? Interesting...

In other news a very good friend (J) lost his girlfriend of 7 years last month. I've been meaning to note down my thoughts on this for a while. We met up in town the day day before she passed away and my friend seemed so contented. It seemed that she completed him, and following a tipsy phone conversation with his missus, I discovered how much he completed her.  I don't think my buddy reads this, but on the off- chance he does, I'd like to say how he's not far from my thoughts. J and I go back twenty years and I've seen him grow. We've shared good times and I was so thrilled he could be at our wedding day this summer. When your family appears and you settle down, there isn't the time to dedicate to friends. They get less attention than they deserve which is such a  shame. 

That's why I write this blog, frankly. So I can let you know what's going on. I feel privileged when I hear how much satisfaction you readers get when you tell me (you know who you are!) Pity there isn't a similar window on your lives too. And no, I don't count facebook - that insidious ad-fest tells me nothing of insight -  only the domestic travails of acquaintances and the fact that I need to buy an I-Phone. Not interested..

Anyway, that's enough from me. On a lighter note, I'll need to rename the blog. The Man Cave is now more and a new adventure awaits. Any ideas?

A.

A.

We're packing it in for the Isle Of Wight!

The Isle of Wight was a tonic. I feel rested and recharged, but quite depressed to be back in all honesty. Here's a couple of pics

Our flat was airy, simple but with plenty of stunning views!

The IOW has lots of cliffs. You spend time climbing plenty of these..

I don't recall seeing a sunset so vibrant as we did during our stay. The reds, oranges, mauves, turquoises were a marvel to look at. Obviously the photos never do things justice, natch.

The place is beautiful, the pace of life is something I could really do with right now. London seems cramped and hectic in comparison, everyone in a frantic rush getting to where the need to be. I get the impression the idea of moving has been in E's mind for a while before she ambushed me with it. My initial reaction was 'No!!!' but the more I chew over the idea the more it appeals.

More to come on this in the next few weeks. I'll be getting my thoughts in order so we can plan properly. I think E wants to move on the next ferry crossing, and looking at our pokey little house I cant entirely disagree with her!

A.

In the garden with li'l Blue Eyes

Diz enjoys some summer sunshine - Aug 2013

It didnt last long though. Those brilliant skies and bright sunshine have been replaced with concrete grey autumn vibes and rain. Lots of rain.. My mojo has fled with the warmth and I dream of hibernation in a warm, cozy cave.. or a holiday... if someone has some spare air fare and a sunlounger by a pool, please let me know.

 

Still, D continues to lighten up my day. 18 months old on Wednesday, she gets cuter and funnier every day. Even the tantrums are still cute (I wonder how long that lasts?) and I [mostly] have sympathy with her tears when she is upset. Is that normal??? Maybe it'll change by her teenage years....

 

Anyway, the family are away. I am at home with the cat and my To Do List for company. You know what it's like though. All those chores that need fixing get left when something more tempting comes calling. Like cricket on the radio. Or some really fascinating documentaries on the Internet. I would be writing a novel here on the dangers of procrastination but I'll get around to it tomorrow....

 

The kiddies have been a challenge at work recently. It seems they are ready to fly the nest to their 'Big Schools' and get more restless by the day. The laughs still come though, a four year old's sense of observation can sometimes be just as sharp as an adults with amusing results. I was discussing the Cebeebies show 'Magic Hands' with B the other day and he went to great lengths impersonating a deaf presenter signing. With hands fluttering like a tic tac man and tongue flapping like someone being electrocuted, he gave me the best laugh in weeks.

Diz and the 'terrible twos'

It seems she's entered them a few months early...

All those little things in the house she didn't notice? She does now. Cupboards are opened, cutlery ends up in places it shouldnt. In short, anything not nailed down has an invitation to be found in a new home.... it's just the way it goes I guess...

The sweet little girl we once knew now knows what she wants. And lets us know her disappointment when she doesn't get it.

D's meek little grumblings have now become lusty howls when a door is closed to her or something is taken from her grasp. It's like having a very angry seagull that starts calling out with minimal provocation. You'll hear sounds of contented bath play then suddenly pained screams break out. On closer inspection Diz will have chucked a toy out of the bath and be staring down at it. Tears streaming down the cheeks and a bereaved expression on the face.  

No supermarket faceplants yet (she can't walk unaided yet, thankfully), but she is growing into a feisty little girl who will hold her own in the world. And I can't wait to see how she grows up.

Still, she has her mother's and big bro's charm which impresses family and friends alike. At our wedding D was passed from friend to friend during the day like a prized pet for stroking and fussing over. She kept a sweet demeanour the whole day and didn't grumble even once. This weekend we visited my cousins and Diz was 'entertained' by a tween coterie who treated her with adulation most babies would tire of pretty quick. My daughter smiled sweetly and seemed to enjoy every moment of it.

So, tolerant little angel or pocket rocket? How will Diz turn out??

A.

The British Army enjoyed a trip in the old days..

More musings on being 'dad' and what I do.

Rushing off the chocolate ice-cream...seriously

17 months on and living with D is getting easier. More draining and chaotic, yes - but easier nonetheless. I remember in the earliest days after she arrived home from the hospital, wearily standing over her slumbering form like it was an unexploded bomb. Diz suffered from colic badly when tiny and most nights would howl herself into exhausted sleep about midnight. I'd be afraid that stepping on the wrong floorboard would be enough to trigger her but thankfully slumber proved to be deep. Most of the time that is..

Nowadays she is more little girl than wild animal. She laughs, stacks blocks and draws like the best of them. She sings and dances and does all those things that make Mum and Dad love her more than anything else in the world. Seriously, those who don't have kids will be stunned at the depth of affection that your own little ones draw from you. I certainly was, and continue to be till this day...

Meanwhile at work, I'll be losing the older kids to their schools at the start of September. I'll really miss them. I marvel at childrens' authenticity which is a pleasure compared to some jaded adult company you will encounter. After working in an office where women would spend most of the day moaning and eating snacks I have no regrets in what I do. The most challenging facet of working with my kids is negotiating with them fairly. It'd be easy to tell them to 'shut up!' or 'do as your told!' but I'd be doing none of us any favours. 

Would be out of a job sharpish too, I reckon!

A.

Asteroids dreams and what you do to your kids.

As a rule, I don't remember my dreams any more. That was until a couple of nights ago:

I am out in central London with a group of friends. We see a meteor flaming across the sky which impacts the ground nearby. The ground shakes and angry grey clouds start streaming in our direction. I remember feeling underwhelmed at this and slowly walk in the opposite direction to escape. Trouble is, another meteor appears in the sky and my demise seems covered from both directions! Once again, I am not too bothered at this and wake up soon after.

The dream dictionaries have an interesting take on what an 'asteroid' signifies. It's all symbolic, like something out of a David Lynch movie apparently. Dreammoods.com reckons: 

To see an asteroid in your dream represents a spiritual message from above.  You are about to be enlightened with some knowledge. Alternatively, it signifies a brainstorming of ideas and thoughts.  If the asteroid hits the earth, then it indicates that your idealistic notions are deteriorating or being shattered apart 

 Do I have an epiphany coming? Heck, do I have two epiphanies coming!??

In home news I realise that saying things to my kids for sh*ts and giggles can be counter-productive. I often ask X to do favours for me which he does willingly. Often though I offer him my 'love and respect' as payment. He is a fan of the tangible things in life and is seldom impressed by such an offer. On our walk in to school one morning I grab him one of those mini yogurt drinks for the journey. I tell him I have a surprise as we go out the door:

X: Is it a yogurt drink.... [pauses thoughtfully and adds] or your love and respect?

Me: Which one would you prefer?

X: The yogurt drink.

Either I am winding X up a little too much of late or I've devalued my affections in his mind. It makes me more mindful of how a parent can mess up their kids if they don't tread carefully. I'll try to be more mindful in future!

A.

One sore behind later..

I sit very carefully as I write this. Last thursday was operation day, and one pilonidal sinus removal later I'm still in a woozy haze. The nice hospital people plied me with some antibiotics and very handy painkillers and I've spent a few days on the couch watching Lost. Yesterday I had my bandages changed and drain removed, leaving me with what I can only call a 'Frankensteinian' operation wound at the top of my bottom. You gotta admire the neat and even workmanship but it even Diz made a grave comment when we all had a look last night.. something along the lines of 'Oh my God' in toddler speak...

The stitches are in till July 25th but the result is still nowhere close to these ones.

Wedding Day..or a new anniversary date not to forget!

Weybridge Register Office 27th June

We're back to a semblance of normality today. The presents are opened (your generosity simply humbles me, thank you), E stacks up the surnames on facebook (hopefully she'll stop now at 3!), the washing up left unloved in the sink begs for attention and eyes start turning towards work on Monday. This brings me to a few quick post wedding thoughts:

What a day! Much love and well wishing at the Register Office and the reception after. When the Registrar was doing her thing I could just feel the vibes of positivity coming off those gathered, it was almost tangible. To those who are unmarried, it's a mentally draining gig! I awoke only mildly hungover the morning after but spent the whole day feeling like a conversational vegetable. Heck, a few days on and  I still feel a bit funny.

Today meant a work day so I was hanging out with my kids - they behaved with a decorum I really didn't expect. No outbursts, histrionics, arguments, nothing! Their wedding present to me perhaps, who knows?? I have another week off (operation on Thursday) so hopefully life as usual will return at that point... albeit feeling like a branded bull that is!

Details to come next time,

Alex

Fireman Xand

When our boiler had its' near miss we had a visit from the fire brigade. The smile from X was normally one only the promise of Lego can bring out..

X in the cab

X looking heroic. He may be 13 at heart but a little boy's heart still beats in him

Stretch...fart...scream...

..it's just the way she rolls...

 

We're getting the wedding rings Friday and the guest lists are taking shape. Can't believe there's only two weeks to go. I write this with Diz, she's eating lunch whilst watching Balamory; the home of the lady with the ominous sharp teeth. Aye, you wouldnt want to be bitten by Miss Hoolie. She wouldnt leave much afterwards I can tell you. 

Diz and the wine list

Legoland Windsor, May 2013

Dizzy watching today. She scurries around the place, chittering and yodelling like some happy sounding Gremlin whilst I write this. This is my 'calm' day, away from dozen big kids, looking after one smaller one instead. Well, its calm in short three minute stretches, in between baby bumps and Diz screaming to be entertained. As it's a summery day today, any challenges sent my way will be only a minor obstacle. Mr Tumble is on the telly as we go about our doings ("A grown man shouldn't be a childrens' entertainer" claims my mother who regards him as some sort of child molester). Today we plan to hit the playground, I might get a workout and tidy up the house too. 

I feel like that Greek guy of myth who tries to push that boulder up the hill which keeps rolling back down again. For instance, I'll clear the living room table today, look away for a moment and the lego will be all over it once more. 48 hours and the sink will be full again and the dishwasher will have to be restarted (I'm the dishwasher by the way). We're the original Odd Couple here, just with me as Jack Lemmon with three Walter Matthaus for company!

In other news I plan to take drastic measures to get in shape. On our visit to Legoland the pizza proved just too seductive and I scarfed down a pile. Part of a depressing trend I'm afraid. Food used to be simply fuel during my single years but is now something much more of a pleasure and my middle is starting to betray the evidence. 

Will keep you posted with my plans.

A.

Goodbye Mancave! (for now)..

It hasn't blown away in a Midwestern tornado. It's just I don't get up there any more. My oasis of calm is now computer free (the trusty deskstop has given up the ghost despite my desperate ministrations) and a baby now sleeps at the foot of where the ladder ends up. The mancave lies quiet and unloved, empty save our trips to fetch X's old baby toys. One day soon I'll have to strap Diz to my back and we'll start visiting again.

So, I'm tapping these words looking out the front window listening to part of my battered CD collection. Trouble is most of my music went up in smoke when my PC did too. Thought it would be time to blow the dust of some of the remaining CD boxes and get listening again. 

In other news I've had a profitable evening matched betting with the CL final last night. After throwing a pile of cash at the online bookie offers I found an agreeable amount turned into profit! It tends to dry up a little over the summer as gambling tends to be more of a football fans game than anything else. I plan to draw a few more quid in over the next few months, take Diz on a magical mystery tour of our local bookmakers perhaps?

27th May - 'grrrrr'

Meanwhile, Diz continues with the cuteness. Working part time means we can share quality time and I can see her thrive and grow. The thing that really impresses me is, she's such a happy girl! Are all babies like this!? D seems to have a big grin for everyone which seems to thaw even the coldest of hearts. It's only when she sleeps, do I see her frowny, resting face.. Or when she's eating ice cream, where it's more reminiscent of a lion devouring an antelope (see above). 

Dizzy on a swing at 14 months

When the Prince of Darkness comes to parents evening...

We have an evening with the Mums and Dads on Thursday, so Im getting paperwork sorted whilst writing this.

Most parents are a joy, they are friendly and open, taking pleasure in their kids' daily doings. One however, is a bit more of a... handful. When I see his face at the door I chuckle inwardly; with an adversarial manner and a gimlet stare which has turned others to jelly, Old Nick has made our days a challenge at times. It's funny though as his child is the sweetest child you will ever meet (lets call the little one 'Nicky'). Fortunately little Nicky has taken a real shine to me so I've been spared Dad's snaggy manner of late. Still, when I sit down with Nick Snr and his wife I'll have my wits about me...

...plus a shield if need be.

The Big Day comes ever closer and our invite list takes shape. For me it still seems an age away, but E is thoroughly excited and in full planning mode. I will be stumping up for the wedding rings (this marriage lark is an expensive business)... so another chunk of my matched betting wedge will be spent on other things. Last couple of months have been a pricy time and this summer will be when I need to tighten my belt accordingly.  Come June 1st I'll count my cash and see what's left. 

A.

Diz's 'What do you want? I'm busy eating sausage.K' face

Kensington Gardens, May 5th 2013

Duelling Banjos on the brain

I've been humming the first couple of chords of Duelling Banjos over the last few days, the tune is stuck in my head. Love the fact that Ronnie Cox has his arse handed to him by the creepy blind kid who blanks him afterward.. Played to X who interpreted it through his typical dancing style and had a vocal duel of sorts with Diz too!

As I write this Diz is blowing snotty bubbles of rage through her nose (ironic as she loves soap bubbles so much). I must sign off to tend to her.

Cheers, 

A.

5 years on..

X's dedication to me on a very special day

The Man Cave is out of commission now. As techno chirps that emanated from my PC have become pained shrieks, I type this at the kitchen table instead. Things have been incredibly busy of late, y'know birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and the like. It tends to put non-essential things on the back burner. At work we were filmed for a spectacularly awkward addition to the nursery website, click on the pictures on the bottom left hand side of this page and see for yourself. I have received polite comments but feel I look particularly frantic, which staff member looks the best in front of the camera? What do you think?

E and I have been together for 5 years now so I felt it was time to pop the question. As to whom is making an honest person out of whom, I'll leave that up to your judgement too!  When E reported how huge the bouquet of flowers I bought her was it felt like the omens were good and X had given his blessing too (see the picture above). Wedding Day is set for June 27th and preparations are in full swing. E is like a pitbull terrier with it's jaws clamped round a tennis ball, when she sets her mind to something she isn't prone to be discouraged. She has delegated the task of ring-finding to me, and spends her waking hours planning everything else.

In the meantime life swings into even fuller gear than before. On top of everything I now need to think about getting into shape for the Big Day (BD) - us blokes worry about that too, y'know! Months of fatherhood have taken their toll on my chiseled physique (ha!) and I feel alot doughier than used to be. The funny thing is, walking for hours on end to keep in trim no longer appeals to me. The alternative of a gymnasium full of Sky Sports screens isnt too appealing either. I (only half) joke with E about a wearing a corset for the BD, but it might come to that if Im not too careful.

D continues to grow in her charm and cheekiness. She berates passing dogs for scaring her brother and tries to put her hand in the toilet with equal cuteness. In fact, I reckon it was D who scored me the killer bouquet. She joined me at the florists and charmed the staff with her sweet ways. I've gotta look

Sleeping Beauty 27th April 2013

out for her when I'm taking a pee though, if she's nearby she looks up from the floor with a glint in her eye which says 'I'm going to put my hands in that water fountain too!'

When she's quiet you know there's trouble brewing...

Dizzy channels Mr Burns..

The cat didn't know what was coming. April 2013

of Body fluids and Bitcoins (!?)

It seems my blog has become a log of parental musings and gross out tales of late.

And thats ok. No time to spare directing my energy anywhere else, I reckon. Diz has reached the age where we spend chasing her around the floor, clearing tables with a nonchalant sweep of her arm. Babies seem to be like that, dropping food with a flourish from their highchairs. Pocket sized chaos personified. Nursery next, I will be dropping her off tomorrow morning and look forward to see how she fares without Mummy and Daddy.

As you may know my other hobbies are sport and money. The former has given me a few quid in matched betting terms,  as the nice people of William Hill et al paid for my holiday and a new pair of trainers this month. The latter involves me checking out the financial pages and trying not to bore people when they ask my opinions on economics and gold. Precious metals have taken a real hammering recently - losing 10% in the last few days! The new thing people are buying up is called Bitcoin, which has been plastered across the clever press and media in the last month. Apparently BTC (as the computer nerds call it) is a 'cryptocurrency' which cannot be violated by the whims of The Man so keeps its value. Well thats the theory. It was at $15 in January, $266 in March and $70 right now so seems to be all over the place. I'm tempted to pick up a Bitcoin just for the hell of it. Will it be the new money we'll buy stuff on ebay with or will it be the next bubble? Will it be the next tulip perhaps?

Brod, Kaise und Wurst

X leaves a note at Natural History Museum - April 9th 2013

X was performing out of shot.. the only way surefire way to get a smile from her!

Diz chows down at lunchtime

My third visit to Berlin and I love it more on every trip. The place is similar to London, but that sense of German-ness keeps sneaking out in charming little ways. For instance the chilli shaped gummi sweets you can buy are actually chilli flavoured (much to X's shock and consternation)! English speaking people will still get funny looks on the bus (much like Germans will do in London), but folks we spoke to were kind, well manners and almost universal English speakers. I gamely tried using my school German with little success, more often than not Berliners would effortlessly cycle to English for my benefit. Still, my year of deutsch did help, a little. I managed to string some semi-competent sentences together on a couple of occasions, and these [shock horror!] were actually understood. On our next trip I plan to learn some more  as being the complacent Brit abroad who relies on 'Do You Speak English?' disgraces both me and my countrymen.

When it comes to food, German life is streets ahead, even the humblest combinations of cheese, meat and bread are absolutely delicious. Most street corners host a bakery that sells pretzels, schnitzels or other goodies which just melt in your mouth. With the carb overload normally comes discomfort and guilt, but not in Berlin! You can graze through pizza, chips, potato salad or bread without any problems. The only culinary fail in my eyes is the currywurst - chopped up frank with tomato sauce and curry powder (a hold-over from the cold war perhaps?) When even the humblest eating house can serve up food which is inexpensive and very hearty, something akin to student food from my Coventry days is disappointing to say the least. 

X turns 8

Darth Vader at Legoland Windsor

I don't get into the Man Cave much anymore. A combination of Arctic weather and an insistent one-year old have meant the attic has been ill used of late. Still, now the a springlike thaw has started, I've ventured up to look about: get rid of the dust, scare the bats away, y'know that sort of thing ;)

Just the two of us...

E is back to work again,  so for two days a week Dizzy and I are now hanging out. Two weeks in and it's going fine,  I take D for her singing and nursery rhymes down at the local Sure Start Tuesday, then bundle her up into the pushchair and take her out into the world. I'll admit it, I stick the telly on for her too - and it's not always edifying viewing. The channel of choice as for all under fives is Ceebeebies, a mix of the worthy (like Let's Play), the rewarding (like Rastamouse) and the downright sinister (Pennywise.. I mean Mr Tumble). I've found myself keying into the vibe of conversations on Mumsnet: for instance, should the presenter girl with half an arm cover it up instead of leaving it for impressionable young minds to view? Does Andy look like the long lost son of Fatima Whitbread? 

      Mostly however, my idle imagination settles on certain shows or personalities, and gives them a little tweak for my amusement. For instance Dr Ranj gives diagnoses to puppets who are under the weather after listening to their symptoms. It's pretty innocuous stuff, food poisoning, urinary infections and the like. How about something more exotic? 'Buboes and a fever of over 102 degrees? That'll be bubonic plague, Penny!' Would Dr Ranj be so genial dispensing out that kind of diagnosis do you think? 

      Ceebeebies is a godsend. Diz cannot take her eyes of it at times, so it serves a purpose when needed. Still, there are certain moments when aspects of the unsettling do come up... or maybe I'm just reading too much into things? I'll leave you with a pic of Mr Maker about to ambush someone parked on a quiet country road and let the decision be yours.

Two tales from the sharp end of nappy changing.

And you thought a three year old sneezing on you was bad enough...

So I'm changing this girl's nappy. I open it up and lo and behold! There's a whole lot of poo there - thick and almost camo green in colour. Trouble is, the wipes I have don't seem to be enough. I scrabble round for a fresh pack and am unable to open it due to the thick blue plastic gloves I'm wearing. 'I've got to get these off', I muse, 'as most fingers have probably been exposed to toddler poo I'll take a gamble with my pinky finger'. I carefully put my gloved right hand finger between my teeth and gently remove my glove.  A split second later it hits me, a yeasty tang and the realisation that maybe that glove wasn't as clean as I'd hoped...

The thing with nappies is, you never know what you're getting. Take for instance the other day, I grabbed a girl to change her nappy, she was in good spirits but was a little pongy so I didnt expect much drama. Pulling off her tights I was in for a real shock, it was watery diarrhoea of the most noxious order. On her tights, jeans, up her back, on her feet. Everywhere. As I worked to clear up the mess a fuggy cloud enveloped me, but all I could do was start breathing through my mouth and carry on. I'll never forget finding a fragment of carrot on the nappy mat as I was clearing up afterwards. 

When it comes to the adventures of pre-schooler digestion I think I've seen it all now...

A.

....ONE!!!!

And little D reaches her first birthday!

We had a family get-together after work on the 28th where I watched Diz consume a slice of chocolate cake the size of her own face. Lovely to watch the transition from spotless, calm baby to writhing, choc speckled feral creature. When we put her in the bath to wash it all of she smelt of chocolate and had saucer sized eyes like a bushbaby. I think she enjoyed it!

Sunday was the party at Nana's. Where there was Auntie Astrid, cousin Ella and (more importantly) more cake and a birthday balloon. D has already twigged that the singing of 'Happy Birthday' to someone is a Very Good Thing. She grinned broadly as we presented her with cake number 2, complete with candle. Meanwhile the balloon is the gift which keeps on giving, even now she sometimes glances up at it and smiles to herself. I had this dim and distant memory that balloons=fun and watching Diz's happiness and fascination as she plays with it, has unlocked that memory again.

Once you try the hard stuff...

 

... you never go back...

It's funny how one's tastes in TV evolve. I used to believe the likes of Ronnie Barker, Antiques Roadshow and food shows were simply the preference of the old. Today I'm an aficionado of them all!

However the one show that I cannot get enough of features the guy above. Adam Richman travels the length and breadth of America and devours the most mouthwatering local dishes. Imagine a part travelogue, part competitive eating series hosted by a chunky Fred Savage lookalike.  In front of a crowd of cheering people, he tries to polish off these regional delicacies with a phony 'press conference' to follow.  The thing is, these meals are either absolutely HUGE, or intolerably spicy. And there's the rub, the cheese steak sandwiches, the pulled pork burgers, the prawn roll platters look so delicious they make me want to start licking the telly. However the servings have to be seen to be believed! You just want to gag as the guy shovels the food down his throat whilst sweating profusely as his body tries to process all the meat, cheese and chili. 

 'Man Vs Food' is food porn in its' extreme form. The show format is a weekly challenge where if Richman fails to complete his meal 'Food' is victorious, and if he is successful it's one for 'Man'. Victory for our hero is presented like a scene out of 'Gladiator' - the noble Maximus prevailing over a ferocious enemy. But this time in sandwich form. Come to think of it, maybe Ridley Scott should direct an episode to give the show some real gravitas. There's a thought...

I can't decide whether I adore this show or whether the premise is seriously f**king obscene. Should acts of gluttony be praised whilst so many in the world go without?? I'm conflicted as the food Richman comes across looks so delicious, yet he the portions he eats make me feel ill.

Here's a burger with a difference. After watching I don't know whether to drool or gag though.

All I can say is other food shows have lost their edge. If it's not covered in fried onions or cheese I'm not as excited as I used to be!

Meet 'the Major'

My effort at a snowman for 2013. Don't really know what I was aiming for, but ended up with some corpulent walrus/human mutant straight out of the Yellow Submarine movie..

A.

Boris Johnson on a dirt-bike (?!)

I had one of those random dreams which stick with you for days afterwards. Any analysts out there please let me know what my brain is trying to tell me!

I'm playing a video game. It features a wild haired blond man on a dirtbike driving through woodland. It's Mayor of London Boris Johnson. My POV is from fixed points in the woodland as BJ speeds by, his rapid downhill progress is partly blocked from view by poorly pixelated shrubbery. He has a problem as a large Jaguar starts pursuing him. I watch with interest as the gap between Mayor and big cat closes before the former is knocked off his bike by the the latter. The two of them proceed to duke it out Western bar room style. To his credit, Boris is handling the 250lb wild cat pretty well, he knocks it out with a forward roll before woodland reinforcements arrive. My POV changes as a field mouse leaps through the air, hellbent on kicking his arse. The Mayor connects with a satisfying flying kick a la Street Fighter 2 and little squeaky is knocked out cold. 

Wonder what it means.

That feeling of ice cold water between your toes...

So birthday time comes round again. I enjoyed this one alot more than usual.

At work yesterday I asked the kids how old they thought I was. 'OLD!' seemed to be the consensus response and I couldn't fully disagree. 'Thirty-six' I told them, rolling the number over in my mind. Thirty. Six. When you're ploughing through your late teens and into your twenties, numbers like 'thirty-six' seem clunky and baggage laden. You don't actively volunteer your age to someone if not asked when you're thirty-six, it seems unseemly. So I guess I'd just pushed my birthday to the back of my mind this time around. 

This time round I think X was more excited than I was. We spent a couple of days in the New Forest and stayed at one of those plush corporate hotels which host weddings and upscale Tom Jones impersonators at £35 a head. The breakfast was something to behold though - they served up feathery scrambled eggs with that melt in the mouth quality which I would've eaten a bucket of. We filled our boots (and sneaked out a little extra for luncheon) before hitting the road early Sunday afternoon.

We arrived at Deadman's Hill in the New Forest for our afternoon stroll (and to walk off our morning breakfast indulgences) about 2pm and set off to conquer a nearby woody hillock. It was sunny but cold and  the ground uneven. I had the inconvenience of having a baby strapped to my chest - visibility was.. challenging, lets say. The journey uphill was alright, we dodged a few boggy patches and clumps of pony poo and reached our peak to drink in the view. The way down was a different story, it all started going pear shaped when we left the path to take a direct route back to the car. The muddy patches became boggy and soon we couldn't navigate around the wet stuff but had to plough through the middle of it, hoping for the best. Now this is good fun when you're travelling solo, but disconcerting when there's a baby attached for company. D was her usual stoic self, she drank in the views and letting out little coos of interest every few minutes or so. I won't forget her little chuckle when my right foot went into the swamp almost shin deep and some animal instinct told me I better start running for safety. 

The crowning moment was leaping a stream running between us and the footpath upto the car park. E and X cleared it like the doughty mountain goats they are, Diz and I weren't so lucky and stumbled before clearing the bank. I rolled onto my side in a Colt Seavers stylee to spare D a winter soaking and got further drenched for my trouble. Her non-plussed look of "what's all the fuss about?" following our sodden adventure was particularly entertaining.

Anyway, we lived to tell the tale, X thought it would've made a good TV show. I won't forget that feeling of my feet marinating in a sock full of ice cold water and taking one for Team Dizzy. 

Hopefully next year will be just as satisfying,

A.

Imagination is a funny thing...

Is it just me or does anyone else's imagination go to interesting locations whilst they go about their day?

Here's the latest example of mine doing what it [seemingly] does best: linking Argentinian tennis players to fantasy fiction.

"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry"

In my pursuit of a few quid to make life a little easier I follow the tennis. The mens' pro tennis website (atpworldtour.com) is a treasure trove of stats, articles and live feeds throughout the year. As a sports website, I reckon it is second to none. I was reading an article about Argentian top ten player Juan Martin Del Potro - he has a bit of Lou Ferrigno about him and a sprinkle of Roger Moore too. Anyway, yesterday I was checking out an article on the website. You can imagine the sort of thing, praising Del Po as the South American terminator with a tennis racket.. and he does look like a scary dude too. 

Funny thing was my imagination took a look at the second pic in the article and ran with the thought.. "He looks like an extra out of Lord of The Rings!" the little voice in my head said. I couldn't rest before dredging the depths of The Web to find something equally bulky and fearsome.

A.

Plans for 2013? Part one

So we got through the Season unscathed. I started writing this on Jan 2nd with a short pause before work awaits for me tomorrow. A short breathing space for reflection of 2012 and resolution for 2013.

I've never really made any pledges for January 1st in the past..other than chasing away my New Years hangovers during my partying days, that is! A proactive friend of mine suggested doing so this time around so  I'm tentatively submitting my own:

The kicker is, I'm just not that good a planner. I've read some of the books which tell you to set daily/weekly/monthly targets and the like, my resolve tends to crumble after a few weeks if I'm honest. The one thing I've really stuck to over the years is writing a blog, and I've being doing that for [gasp!] getting on for six and a half years! I hope that one day in the future that X and little D may find something of interest in what I've written - if the Interweb is still about in 50 years, that is! In the meantime I'll continue to muse about my daily life, upload pictures of my daughter and occasionally post about the little things in life that make me smile. 

"What about your resolutions?" I'm sure you're asking as you're dying to know. Well the first is to get back into shape again. In my fitness days I could wear a relatively tight top and not worry about having to hold my gut in [much]. I would run several times a week to gain that serotonin high; it's enough to make you want to take on the world I tell you. Come the end of 2012 and I've just seized up, I get aches where I never knew I had muscles and I'm wondering if Spanx do stuff for men (and bugger me, yes they do!).   

Anyway, that's your lot for the moment. A crying baby awaits...

HAppy New Year To All

A.