Xmas came early to our house this year..

A valuable few minutes to blog between present wrapping and bedtime for X...

...he doesnt want to go, funnily enough!

So.. Ellen has been stocking up on baby stuff. The last few months we've been on the receiving end of well wishers, regular deliveries courtesy of ebay and the

like. Personally I didn't realise so much stuff was required beyond the pram and kiddy clothes - how naive was I?

Anyway, E has been dealing with the bounty. It currently forms a mountain range on top of our wardrobe: Maternity Mountain. Soft Toy Cirque... [the alliteration runs dry after that..]

Some stuff did work its' way over to me.

Yes, its the stretch-mark cream (E is allergic to it)! It is a remarkable treatment for the soles of my horny, hobbit-like feet. The damage from hundreds of miles of walking is now been reversed by the coco butter which new mums put over their bellies. And it works too! No longer is the skin on my heels splintered and dangerous, it's soft and pleasing to the touch.

Kinda funny really. I laughed at the repulsion and horror in the expression of a gay guy I used to work with when we were discussing men's feet. Well, mine in particular (long story). At the time I was bemused by his use of foot moisturiser as an integral part of his grooming regime, it sounded like some effete metrosexual fad to me..

..Plus ca change...

A.

What? What? What?

Today, it seems, youtube is the my main source of what The Kids are down with. During my idle moments I browse the video titles: Bieber, Skyrim, X-Factor, ...blah-de-blah-de-blah. Its all the same stodgy, insipid nonsense which has all the interest to as a cool bowl of porridge.

Recently I was checking out some South Park movie clips. I'll admit it, that film really appealed to the smutty 15 year old in me who I was trying so hard to repress at the time. The songs mix the basest toilet humour with melodies that Cole Porter would be proud of - catchy stuff.

Anyway, one of the tunes is sung by 'Butters': a blond haired kid who served as a Kenny replacement (or something like that?). He becomes a big star and releases his own single. Once again, catchy but slightly inflammatory in suggesting sex with young children. "That's South Park," I thought, "always ready to push the boundaries of decency for better or worse".

Little did I know "What, what, what in the Butt" was actually a cover of a guy called Samwell. His video raises a number of questions in my mind which I struggle to answer. Watch it yourself and see what you think.

Still pretty spiffy after all these years..

An old pleasure that still pleases

That metronome that marks my waking hours seems to get quicker by the day....tick..tick..tick..

Of course there's a lot to pack into the day, to focus on, to be concerned with. It seems like a lifetime ago that I could slow down, listen to music, just let my mind wander and float away. Granted, what I consumed certainly helped, but the albums we listened to certainly played a part in forming the man I am today.

Of course the CDs had to be put away when it was time to grow up. It was all about wringing as much out of the day as possible, fanciful thoughts and dreaming be damned.

This week I dusted down the file marked 'The Orb' on my musical desktop for the fist time in years. It was just as soothing for the wakeful, fretting mind as I remembered - no smoky bedroom with the lights off required as it seemed like during my earlier years. Shocking to think 20 years have passed since my favourite albums were released. And they still sound as fresh now as they did when I first heard 'em.

You don't need Brixton Academy, a 30 foot tall screen for the visuals and a small bag of pharmaceuticals to fully appreciate something wondrous from years back. Having those same tunes piped into your ears on the evening commute can still have an irresistable pull, just like it used to in that former life you used to live.

A.

The Shining - The Sitcom (Seinfeld Style)

How to get away with murder and other thoughts..

The most perfect thing to carry around during daylight hours if you're up to no good is...

A scooter!!

I've often thought this on my daily trip back from dropping X off at school, his trusty Spiderman two-wheeler slung over my shoulder. People smile and look relaxed, the sight of a grown man carrying his child's prized scooter puts passers-by at their ease.

So, think about it. The perfect tool in the backpack for burglars, exposers and other daytime ne'er do wells. Go about your business and then walk straight down the road, as bold as you like. A cheery smile or a "good afternoon" will make you instantly trustworthy in other peoples eyes.

In other news, E, X and myself paid a visit to the local firework display and were not disappointed. Xander had a wonderful time, fun house, ghost train (eyes closed nearly throughout, but still) and glow in the dark neon sword before the main event even started, so it was an A+ night for him. I've become a little more jaded over the years. Increasingly you notice the same things at funfairs and outdoor events. You strive to experience something a little different.

I spied some of the sights, sounds and smells that will never change: the dated mural on the side of the fun-house featuring Fifa 2007, a dreary stream of fairground house which you will hear nowhere else and the tempting waft from the burger van. Some things will never change, right? Lady Gaga blaring out of the PA during the fireworks cheapened events further, those gut battering thumps when the artillery goes off deserve something a little more epic, I reckon.

The ghost train did provide me with one moment of novelty. A [supposedly] creepy, drawn out laugh which sounded just like Sid James!

Nyah, hah, hah! I mean WOOOOOO!!!

Babies and Umbrella Birds

We've been doing Baby recon today. After a downer of a morning, Ellen, X and myself paid a visit to Mothercare to look at a potential choice of wheels for Little One due in March.

I've always had the realisation that bringing life into the world is A Big Deal. I'm cool with it. Scared silly, but still cool with it. The choice of the right pram is a prime example - I originally thought 'if it's got good wheels and keeps yer baby safe it's good enough for me'. However I didnt consider, mobility, control, colour, adaptation and cou

ntless other qualities which need to be pondered.

If this spins me out, God knows what a choice of school will do!

Thankfully I'm going into this with a seasoned veteran. Ellen has the T-Shirt from bring Xander up. She's done a sterling job this far, so I guess I'm with excelle

nt company.

Anyway, being Half Term (I've been reacquainting myself with the school year - something you easily forget), we paid a visit to Oxford. You can sense the waves of energy and youthful idealism coming of the young people in the street, it's wonderful! They all look ready to take on the world and make it better - a feeling from my student years I w

istfully (if somewhat dimly) remember.

Amongst other sights we saw the Oxford Natural History Museum. Full of the usual dino bones and slightly more down home stuffed birds and beasts. My favourites of which were the tropical birds they have in a case close to the door - the hummingbirds, rollers and the remarkable looking umbrella bird - the undisputed Elvis of the bird world.

Uh-huh!