of Body fluids and Bitcoins (!?)

It seems my blog has become a log of parental musings and gross out tales of late.

And thats ok. No time to spare directing my energy anywhere else, I reckon. Diz has reached the age where we spend chasing her around the floor, clearing tables with a nonchalant sweep of her arm. Babies seem to be like that, dropping food with a flourish from their highchairs. Pocket sized chaos personified. Nursery next, I will be dropping her off tomorrow morning and look forward to see how she fares without Mummy and Daddy.

As you may know my other hobbies are sport and money. The former has given me a few quid in matched betting terms,  as the nice people of William Hill et al paid for my holiday and a new pair of trainers this month. The latter involves me checking out the financial pages and trying not to bore people when they ask my opinions on economics and gold. Precious metals have taken a real hammering recently - losing 10% in the last few days! The new thing people are buying up is called Bitcoin, which has been plastered across the clever press and media in the last month. Apparently BTC (as the computer nerds call it) is a 'cryptocurrency' which cannot be violated by the whims of The Man so keeps its value. Well thats the theory. It was at $15 in January, $266 in March and $70 right now so seems to be all over the place. I'm tempted to pick up a Bitcoin just for the hell of it. Will it be the new money we'll buy stuff on ebay with or will it be the next bubble? Will it be the next tulip perhaps?

Brod, Kaise und Wurst

X leaves a note at Natural History Museum - April 9th 2013

X was performing out of shot.. the only way surefire way to get a smile from her!

Diz chows down at lunchtime

My third visit to Berlin and I love it more on every trip. The place is similar to London, but that sense of German-ness keeps sneaking out in charming little ways. For instance the chilli shaped gummi sweets you can buy are actually chilli flavoured (much to X's shock and consternation)! English speaking people will still get funny looks on the bus (much like Germans will do in London), but folks we spoke to were kind, well manners and almost universal English speakers. I gamely tried using my school German with little success, more often than not Berliners would effortlessly cycle to English for my benefit. Still, my year of deutsch did help, a little. I managed to string some semi-competent sentences together on a couple of occasions, and these [shock horror!] were actually understood. On our next trip I plan to learn some more  as being the complacent Brit abroad who relies on 'Do You Speak English?' disgraces both me and my countrymen.

When it comes to food, German life is streets ahead, even the humblest combinations of cheese, meat and bread are absolutely delicious. Most street corners host a bakery that sells pretzels, schnitzels or other goodies which just melt in your mouth. With the carb overload normally comes discomfort and guilt, but not in Berlin! You can graze through pizza, chips, potato salad or bread without any problems. The only culinary fail in my eyes is the currywurst - chopped up frank with tomato sauce and curry powder (a hold-over from the cold war perhaps?) When even the humblest eating house can serve up food which is inexpensive and very hearty, something akin to student food from my Coventry days is disappointing to say the least. 

X turns 8

Darth Vader at Legoland Windsor

I don't get into the Man Cave much anymore. A combination of Arctic weather and an insistent one-year old have meant the attic has been ill used of late. Still, now the a springlike thaw has started, I've ventured up to look about: get rid of the dust, scare the bats away, y'know that sort of thing ;)

Just the two of us...

E is back to work again,  so for two days a week Dizzy and I are now hanging out. Two weeks in and it's going fine,  I take D for her singing and nursery rhymes down at the local Sure Start Tuesday, then bundle her up into the pushchair and take her out into the world. I'll admit it, I stick the telly on for her too - and it's not always edifying viewing. The channel of choice as for all under fives is Ceebeebies, a mix of the worthy (like Let's Play), the rewarding (like Rastamouse) and the downright sinister (Pennywise.. I mean Mr Tumble). I've found myself keying into the vibe of conversations on Mumsnet: for instance, should the presenter girl with half an arm cover it up instead of leaving it for impressionable young minds to view? Does Andy look like the long lost son of Fatima Whitbread? 

      Mostly however, my idle imagination settles on certain shows or personalities, and gives them a little tweak for my amusement. For instance Dr Ranj gives diagnoses to puppets who are under the weather after listening to their symptoms. It's pretty innocuous stuff, food poisoning, urinary infections and the like. How about something more exotic? 'Buboes and a fever of over 102 degrees? That'll be bubonic plague, Penny!' Would Dr Ranj be so genial dispensing out that kind of diagnosis do you think? 

      Ceebeebies is a godsend. Diz cannot take her eyes of it at times, so it serves a purpose when needed. Still, there are certain moments when aspects of the unsettling do come up... or maybe I'm just reading too much into things? I'll leave you with a pic of Mr Maker about to ambush someone parked on a quiet country road and let the decision be yours.

Two tales from the sharp end of nappy changing.

And you thought a three year old sneezing on you was bad enough...

So I'm changing this girl's nappy. I open it up and lo and behold! There's a whole lot of poo there - thick and almost camo green in colour. Trouble is, the wipes I have don't seem to be enough. I scrabble round for a fresh pack and am unable to open it due to the thick blue plastic gloves I'm wearing. 'I've got to get these off', I muse, 'as most fingers have probably been exposed to toddler poo I'll take a gamble with my pinky finger'. I carefully put my gloved right hand finger between my teeth and gently remove my glove.  A split second later it hits me, a yeasty tang and the realisation that maybe that glove wasn't as clean as I'd hoped...

The thing with nappies is, you never know what you're getting. Take for instance the other day, I grabbed a girl to change her nappy, she was in good spirits but was a little pongy so I didnt expect much drama. Pulling off her tights I was in for a real shock, it was watery diarrhoea of the most noxious order. On her tights, jeans, up her back, on her feet. Everywhere. As I worked to clear up the mess a fuggy cloud enveloped me, but all I could do was start breathing through my mouth and carry on. I'll never forget finding a fragment of carrot on the nappy mat as I was clearing up afterwards. 

When it comes to the adventures of pre-schooler digestion I think I've seen it all now...

A.

....ONE!!!!

And little D reaches her first birthday!

We had a family get-together after work on the 28th where I watched Diz consume a slice of chocolate cake the size of her own face. Lovely to watch the transition from spotless, calm baby to writhing, choc speckled feral creature. When we put her in the bath to wash it all of she smelt of chocolate and had saucer sized eyes like a bushbaby. I think she enjoyed it!

Sunday was the party at Nana's. Where there was Auntie Astrid, cousin Ella and (more importantly) more cake and a birthday balloon. D has already twigged that the singing of 'Happy Birthday' to someone is a Very Good Thing. She grinned broadly as we presented her with cake number 2, complete with candle. Meanwhile the balloon is the gift which keeps on giving, even now she sometimes glances up at it and smiles to herself. I had this dim and distant memory that balloons=fun and watching Diz's happiness and fascination as she plays with it, has unlocked that memory again.

Once you try the hard stuff...

 

... you never go back...

It's funny how one's tastes in TV evolve. I used to believe the likes of Ronnie Barker, Antiques Roadshow and food shows were simply the preference of the old. Today I'm an aficionado of them all!

However the one show that I cannot get enough of features the guy above. Adam Richman travels the length and breadth of America and devours the most mouthwatering local dishes. Imagine a part travelogue, part competitive eating series hosted by a chunky Fred Savage lookalike.  In front of a crowd of cheering people, he tries to polish off these regional delicacies with a phony 'press conference' to follow.  The thing is, these meals are either absolutely HUGE, or intolerably spicy. And there's the rub, the cheese steak sandwiches, the pulled pork burgers, the prawn roll platters look so delicious they make me want to start licking the telly. However the servings have to be seen to be believed! You just want to gag as the guy shovels the food down his throat whilst sweating profusely as his body tries to process all the meat, cheese and chili. 

 'Man Vs Food' is food porn in its' extreme form. The show format is a weekly challenge where if Richman fails to complete his meal 'Food' is victorious, and if he is successful it's one for 'Man'. Victory for our hero is presented like a scene out of 'Gladiator' - the noble Maximus prevailing over a ferocious enemy. But this time in sandwich form. Come to think of it, maybe Ridley Scott should direct an episode to give the show some real gravitas. There's a thought...

I can't decide whether I adore this show or whether the premise is seriously f**king obscene. Should acts of gluttony be praised whilst so many in the world go without?? I'm conflicted as the food Richman comes across looks so delicious, yet he the portions he eats make me feel ill.

Here's a burger with a difference. After watching I don't know whether to drool or gag though.

All I can say is other food shows have lost their edge. If it's not covered in fried onions or cheese I'm not as excited as I used to be!